he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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