if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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