did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
