I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
