Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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