no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize