I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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