As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
