I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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