You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
