somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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