Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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