I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
