I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
