Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
