I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
