your room smells of hookers.
And success
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
