Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
