Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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