Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
