If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
