Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
