Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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