I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
