the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm always down for nudity.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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