I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
