nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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