I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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