3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
