he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
