Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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