I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I know her cup size but not her name....
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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