I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
