Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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