just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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