she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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