ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
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