I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm like, not good at living.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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