sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
