Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
