So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
