he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
