dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
