i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Swine flu is the new snow day.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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