Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
