How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
