She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
40s are totally the cure
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
