I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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