Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
