amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
